According to my penis I’m a hipster
I’ve been searching through matches on an online dating website for myself and these are the average attributes of the woman that I have the highest “Match Percentage” with:
Vegetarian
“Total nerd/geek”
Bisexual (usually clearly more lesbian than just bi-curious)
Grad student
Recently returned from some sort of trip from SE Asia
multiple hairstyles
smokes only when drinking
agnostic
L-O-V-E-S HER BICYCLE
has a cat/small dog
either clearly not over her ex, or too busy to “date in real life”
six things I could never do without: apple products
favorite music: mountain goats
favorite book: some author I need a post doc to have heard of
favorite movie: David Lynch
at least one photo is in sepia tone
Shut up, I get it. You are different just like all of the other snowflakes.
This isn’t a post bitching about hipsters. I’m just tired of trying to figure out ways to date these types of women. It’s exhausting. Yes, I’m in to some of these things, but not all of the time. Most days I want a beer, television and a blowjob. I don’t want to go to a first friday art show, then bike over to the river to take the beauty of it all in, while my date takes pictures of lamp posts on her iphone. And shut up about your trip to Thailand for 20 minutes. Please!!!
I don’t know what type of woman I want, but I do know that I’m sick of dating this same woman over and over again. It’s exhausting and I don’t want to live in a Wes Anderson film.
Wes Anderson is a smug dickface.
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